


Time to Heal

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 09:31:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/796687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Sentinel Too' related.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to Heal

## Time to Heal

by KAM

The story originally appeared in 'Whispers of the Heart 8'.

* * *

Wanting to believe that everything was fine, at first Jim had ignored the changes in his partner. Part of it was because he knew he was partially to blame for those changes. When he had kicked Blair out of the loft, when he had accused the younger man of betrayal, Jim knew that he was inflicting some pretty heavy wounds on his sensitive Guide. But those wounds were shallow compared to the damage done when he had turned his back on Blair and fallen into Alex's arms; ready and willing to fuck the woman who had killed his partner. His dreams were still haunted by the stunned look of disbelief and hurt on Blair's face that day on the beach. 

So, his guilt made him blind. Each day as Blair grew more distant and withdrawn, Jim had carried on as if nothing was wrong. He didn't notice as Blair subtly evaded his once frequent touches and pats. Didn't notice as he and Blair spent more and more time apart. Then, one day, he was watching TV. Just sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and watching a Jags game. There had been a foul called and he had turned to make some smart remark to Blair. But, when he looked over to where the younger man usually sat, there was no one there; just an empty space in the loft to match the one in his heart. An empty space where Blair used to be. 

The game had instantly faded away as Jim tried to remember the last time he and Blair had spent any time together; just the two of them with no one else around. He experienced a moment of absolute terror when he couldn't remember the last time. That's when he finally realized that he was losing his Guide. That day by day, a distance had been growing between them. And that if he didn't do something soon, he might never be able to mend the rift between them. 

In his desperation, he had decided that he and Blair needed to get away from Cascade, from the loft, from all the memories of hurt and betrayal. So, Jim made some subtle inquires around Rainier, arranging for Blair's classes to be covered. Then he talked with Simon and got some time off. And now, after basically kidnapping Blair, the two of them were headed towards the woods. To spend some time camping and, hopefully, fix what was wrong between them. 

* * *

After three hours without a single word from Blair, Jim wasn't able to stand the silence any longer. "Look, I know you're pissed at me but I really thought I was doing the right thing here. But if you don't want to do this, then we can go back to Cascade right now." 

Arms crossed, Blair kept his head turned away from Jim. "Seems kind of pointless to do that now since we're just about there, doesn't it?" 

"Not if it's what you want." 

"Since when do you care about what I want?" 

Jim tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "You know damn well that I... " Jim forced himself to stop before he said something hurtful. Then, he clenched his jaw and breathed deeply through his nose several times. Regaining some control, he continued. "Look, we'll try it for one night, okay? If you still want to leave in the morning, we'll pack up and head home." 

When Jim said that last word, Blair flinched slightly but otherwise remained silent. 

Glancing over at the younger man, Jim let out a weary sigh. Deciding to wait before making another attempt at getting Blair to talk, he didn't say anything else as they came to the turn-off and started down the overgrown road that led to their usual camping spot. 

After they got to their spot, Jim got out of the truck and started to unpack everything. Blair, meanwhile, simply sat in the truck and watched. His emotions were running high and he didn't want to risk being around Jim right now. Didn't want to risk saying or doing something that would further damage their friendship. Since everything that had happened with Alex, he had been avoiding Jim for that very reason and he wasn't very happy about this forced time spent together. But as he watched Jim try to put up the tent, and fail miserably at it, he couldn't avoid going to help the other man. Knowing that despite what it cost him personally, he always had and always would be there to help his partner. 

Hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped; Blair walked up to Jim. "Need some help?" 

Throwing down the tent stake, Jim stood up. "What do you... " Seeing Blair, Jim trailed off. Voice and expression softening, he said, "Yeah, I could. Thanks, Chief." 

Blair gave Jim a small smile. "You... uh... you think the fish are biting?" 

Jim knelt down. "I hope so." He picked up the stake and held it in place. Then, he watched as Blair went to hold up the tent. "Maybe I could give you some more fly fishing lessons?" 

Back turned to Jim, Blair closed his eyes when he heard the hopeful tone in Jim's voice. He took a moment to get himself under control. When he answered, the tremor in his voice was almost unnoticeable. "Yeah, maybe." 

Working together, the two men quickly got the campsite assembled. When they were finished, Jim grabbed their rods and the tackle box. "How about we go try our luck? Fresh trout sounds good, doesn't it?" 

"Since I _thought_ I was going to the university today, I've got some books in my backpack." Blair sat down by the tent. "I think I'll just stay here and do some reading. But you go on though." 

"That's all right. I'll stay here with you." 

When Jim started to put down the rods, Blair stopped him. "No, Jim. I just... I need to spend some time by myself. Do a little processing, you know? You go on and I'll catch up with you in a little bit." 

Jim felt torn. He wanted to spend time with Blair, but he didn't want to force the issue. Knowing Blair, he realized that if he pushed the younger man, he would only end up driving Blair further away. Reluctantly, he agreed. "All right. But you better come join me in a little while," Jim smiled, "or else there won't be any fish left for you to catch." 

Despite himself, Blair smiled back. "I think the trout and I are both safe there, Jim." 

Jim just shook his head and chuckled as he walked off towards the stream. 

* * *

Not able to concentrate, Blair had quickly set his book aside. Now he was lying on the ground, staring up at the patches of sky visible through the trees. Exhausted, having maintained a hectic schedule at the university so he wouldn't have to spend too much time at the loft or the station, he closed his eyes and dozed. 

Holding several fish aloft, Jim returned to camp. He stopped short when he saw Blair. Despite the fact that Blair was dry now, Jim flashed back to that day at the fountain. Remembered seeing the younger man lying so still, just like now, on the grass. Before he could even think about it, he started running towards Blair. The fish lay forgotten on the ground where he had dropped them. When he reached Blair, he fell to his knees, not feeling it when his knee landed on a sharp rock. With trembling hands, he reached towards Blair's face just as the younger man's eyes opened. 

"Jim? What... " Blair was silenced when Jim's fingers began to trace his face. First gently running over his forehead before moving over his eyes and checks. 

Fingertips coming to rest on Blair's throat, Jim let out a breath when he felt the strong pulse beating there. "I came back and I saw... Saw you lying here and I... I... " Dropping his head to Blair's chest, Jim pleaded, "God, please forgive me, Blair. I can't stand it anymore. Can't stand the way things are between us. Please forgive me. Please come back to me." 

Moved by the emotional plea coming from his normally stoic partner, Blair placed a hand on Jim's bowed head. "Everything is okay, Jim. I forgive you and I'm right here. I'm with you." 

Jim shook his head. "No, you're not. I mean you are but... It's not like it was before. Why can't it be like it was before?" 

His own pain becoming too much to bear, Blair pushed Jim away. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

Allowing Blair to move him away, Jim sat back but kept his eyes on the younger man. "You know what I mean. You're gone all the time. You're hardly ever at the station anymore and I can't even remember the last time we spent any time together at home." 

His tone bitter and angry, Blair asked, "What home?" 

"What do you mean... Oh, for crying out loud, you know that I'm sorry about that. I told you that I didn't understand what was happening, why I was acting that way." 

"Let's just drop it okay? I don't want to talk about it." 

When Blair started to stand up, Jim grabbed his arm. "Tough shit, Sandburg. 'Cause we are going to talk about it. I don't care if it takes all weekend, we're gonna get this settled." 

Blair tried to get his arm away from Jim. "Let me go!" Struggling, he yelled, "I mean it, Jim, let me go! Get you fucking hand off of me!" 

"Why?" Jim leaned over and grabbed Blair's other arm. "Why don't you want me to touch you anymore? Did you think that I wouldn't notice? I did. I've seen how you avoid my touch." When Blair didn't answer, Jim pressed him back onto the ground. Covering Blair's body with his own, he stared down into the younger man's face, waiting for an answer. 

Panting, skin flushed, Blair glared up at Jim. "Do you really want to know?" At Jim's nod, Blair continued. "The reason I can't stand to have you touch me, the reason I can't bear to be alone with you anymore, is that every time I'm with you, the only thing I can see, the only thing I can think about, is that day on the beach. Walking up and seeing you and Alex there. Seeing you kissing her, seeing you caressing her skin and holding her close." Blair barked out an unpleasant sounding laugh. "And the pathetic thing is, all I can do is feel that it should have been me instead." 

Shocked, Jim released Blair, allowing the younger man to scramble to his feet. "You mean... But I thought you weren't attracted to Alex. You... " A look of understanding crossed Jim's face. Stunned, he stared up at Blair. "You're not talking about me, are you? It's not Alex that you wanted to be with. You... You wanted it to be you and me on that beach, didn't you? That's what you mean, isn't it?" 

Horrified over what he had told Jim, Blair took a few stumbling steps backwards. His face pale, he shook his head. "I... I... " Suddenly, he stopped and then took off running. 

Climbing to his feet, Jim started off after Blair. Ignoring the pain in his knee, he took off in the direction Blair had gone. Quickly locking onto his Guide's heartbeat, Jim realized that Blair was down by the water. A feeling of fear gripped him as he made his way down to the stream. 

Pushing his way past the last of the bushes and small trees, Jim finally reached the water only to find Blair standing by the stream's edge. "Blair... " Jim winced as his voice sounded unnaturally loud in the stillness. "What's going though your head right now, Chief?" 

Staring down into the water, Blair said, "You know, drowning wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. You and the rest of the guys, you just assumed that I didn't remember any of it. There was no way Alex was going to stand trial and that meant I wouldn't have to testify so I just let you all go on believing that. Truth is, I remember almost all of it. Her coming into my office, pointing that gun at me. Her forcing me outside, over to the fountain. Her hitting me on the head and pushing me into the water. But the actual dying part; that was rather peaceful. Hell, it's not like there was much worth staying alive for. So when she held me down, I didn't fight. I just... I just let myself go. Floated away. Just floated away." 

Worried, Jim cautiously approached Blair. "You didn't really believe that, did you? That you didn't have anything worth living for? God, Blair, please tell me that you didn't think that. That I didn't... That what I did... You couldn't have believed that." 

Kneeling down, Blair trailed his hand through the water. "Sometimes I wonder if it'd be like that again. If it'd feel like I was just floating away again." 

Jim reached down and jerked Blair to his feet. Angrily, he spun Blair around. "Don't you even think about it, Sandburg!" Out of control, Jim grabbed Blair and began to shake the younger man. "I don't ever want to hear you talk like that! Understand? You're not going to die on me again. You can't. I can't lose you. Not then, not now, not ever." 

Sounding lost, Blair asked, "Why not?" 

Wordlessly, Jim brought his hands up to cup Blair's face. Slowly, he lowered his head and pressed his lips to Blair's. Then, he drew back and stared down into his partner's face. "Because you're right. It should have been you." 

Blair couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What... what do you mean?" 

Jim lowered his forehead to Blair's. "It should have been you in my arms that day. I think a part of me knew it. That's why I was able to turn away from Alex. As much as my instincts were screaming at me to... to mate with her, another part of me, my heart, my soul, knew that you're the one I love. Not her. Never her. That's what gave me the strength to resist." 

Voice choked with barely suppressed tears, Blair demanded, "Why didn't you say anything?" 

"I was afraid." When Blair started to say something, Jim silenced him. "Let me finish first. I... um... I've lost a lot of people that I cared about, Blair. I got over it every time though because... because I didn't let them get too close. I let them in, I accepted them into my heart, but I didn't let them all the way in. They didn't... They didn't touch my soul. Not like you have. From the very beginning, I didn't have any defenses against you. You came in right under my radar and just blindsided me. Before I knew what was happening, you were already so much a part of my life... so much a part of me, that I didn't know what I'd do without you. And that scared the shit out of me. You scared the shit out of me. So, I tried to keep you at a distance, tired not to let you see how much you affected me. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stand the pain when I eventually lost you. And now that I have, I can't. I can't stand the pain." 

Blair placed his hands on Jim's face, mirroring the older man's stance. "We can't keep going on like this, Jim. I can't keep going on like this. I... I love you. I'm in love with you and I have been for a while now. That's why it hurt so much. When I saw you and Alex, it felt like my heart was being ripped out. I don't think I could handle that again. That's why I've tried to stay away; hoping that if I didn't see you as much, maybe those feelings would go away. But they haven't. God help me, I still love you so much. Love you with all of my heart and soul." 

"I love you too, Blair. More than you'll ever know." Jim kissed Blair again, harder this time. "Let me show you. Come back to camp with me and let me show you how much I love you." 

"Jim... " 

Jim silenced Blair with a kiss. "Please." Another kiss. "Please." 

Wanting it as much as Jim, Blair let himself be led back to camp. 

** 

Once they reached the tent, Jim gently pushed Blair inside. He lowered Blair onto his sleeping bag, kissing the younger man the entire way down. Settling beside his lover, Jim continued the kiss, never stopping for air as he pressed Blair down onto the ground. Finally moving away from that delicious, alluring mouth, Jim planted small kisses all over Blair's face. Forehead, eyelids, checks and then the tip of that adorable, upturned nose. Not able to stay away from Blair's mouth for very long, he moved his mouth close to Blair's. Lips barely touching, he took in his lover's breath. Almost becoming lost in the intoxicating scents swirling around him. 

Opening his eyes, Blair looked up and saw the dazed look on Jim's face. Leaning up, he brought their lips together. He opened his mouth and gently ran his tongue along Jim's lower lip before nipping it with his teeth. "Stay with me, Jim." 

Voice husky, Jim said, "I'm here, Babe. Oh, I'm definitely here." With one hand, Jim began unbuttoning Blair's shirt. Giving in to something he had wanted to do for a very long time, he buried his other hand in Blair's hair. Leaning up, he lowered his nose into that thick, luxurious hair and inhaled deeply. His cock throbbed and he almost came as he was filled with his Guide's scent. "Oh, God," he moaned. 

Realizing that Jim was close to becoming lost in his senses, Blair began to knead and squeeze his shoulders. "Dial it down, Jim." 

"I don't want to," Jim protested. "I want to see you... feel you... hear you... touch you... taste you. I want to fill my senses with you until nothing else exists." 

Aroused by Jim's words, Blair arched upward, seeking more contact. Even as his body sought out Jim's, he argued, "You can't risk that. What if you zone?" 

Blair's shirt now undone, Jim peeled it away. Then he moved down and began to lick and suck on first one nipple and then the other. He pulled back and blew on them, loving the sound of Blair's moans. "Don't worry. It's fine. I'm fine. Just let yourself go. Give yourself to me." 

"Yes," Blair surrendered. "Yes." Words leaving him, he turned himself over to Jim's touch. Head thrashing back and forth, he lost himself to the sensations surging through his body. At first, he didn't even notice it when Jim removed the rest of his clothing. In what seemed like an instant, they were both naked and he found himself writhing under Jim's tongue as his lover bathed every inch of his body. 

Now kneeling astride Blair's legs, Jim took a moment to simply look at Blair. Hair spread out over the ground, chest heaving, skin flushed and glistening, Jim's breath caught as he took in the younger man's beauty. Then his eyes drifted downward to Blair's cock. Erect and leaking, it beckoned to him. A slightly feral grin on his face, Jim leaned down and licked the head; his lover's taste exploding on his tongue. As Blair started to whimper, Jim reached up and placed a soothing hand on the other man's stomach. Then, he engulfed Blair in his mouth. Head bobbing up and down, he wanted to replace pain with ecstasy. To take away all the hurtful memories and leave only pleasure behind. 

Having wanted... having loved... Jim for so long, Blair didn't last very long. Within moments, he came, filling Jim's mouth. He was nearly overcome when he opened his eyes and say Jim rapidly swallowing, not allowing a single drop to escape. When Jim finally released him, he mourned the loss of contact. But that changed when Jim moved to lie beside him and he felt his lover's erection press against his leg. Meeting Jim's eyes, he whispered, "Take me." 

Jim wiped his hand over Blair's sweaty forehead, brushing the clinging hair aside. "What did you say?" 

Blair captured Jim's hand and brought it down to his lips. "I want you to take me." 

"Blair, I... " 

Before Jim could say anything else, Blair rolled over onto his stomach. He spread his legs us slightly. "I want it, Jim. I want _you_." 

Groaning, Jim moved towards Blair. His hands moved to Blair's ass and he simply laid them on the tempting cheeks and squeezed. When Blair moaned and pressed back into his hands, Jim gently separated the cheeks, exposing Blair to him. Unable to resist, he leaned forward and ran his tongue over Blair's opening. Several times, he repeated the movement, thoroughly wetting his lover. Then, he pressed his tongue inward, entering Blair's body. 

Overcome by the sensation, Blair let out a soft sob. "Now, Jim. I need you now." 

"I need something... I don't want to hurt you." 

"I don't care," Blair growled. "I want you in me now!" 

As much as Jim wanted to give in to Blair, he couldn't bring himself to do it. "I can't." 

"Back... backpack. Look in my backpack," Blair managed to say. "There's some lotion." 

"Backpack. Lotion. Got it." Tearing himself away from Blair, Jim hurried outside. Digging into Blair's backpack, he flung books and notepads all over the place as he frantically hunted for the lotion. Finally finding it, he rushed back to Blair. Entering the tent, tube held up high, the triumphant smile on his face quickly changed to a lustful leer when he saw Blair. 

Having drawn his knees underneath him while Jim was gone, Blair's ass was now raised and presented to his lover. His hands were gripping his cheeks, spreading himself open for Jim's cock. 

Mouth going dry as the sight of Blair, Jim moved to kneel behind his lover. Leaning forward, covering Blair's back with his chest, he nuzzled one curl-covered ear. "Do you know what you're doing to me? Coming in here and seeing you like that? All ready and just waiting for me." Jim reached back and trailed one finger over Blair's opening. "You are so beautiful." 

Blair whimpered and pressed back against the finger. 

"Not just yet." Jim chuckled as he moved away. "But soon, Babe. Real soon." Opening the tube, he squeezed some lotion onto his fingers. Then he slowly pressed one finger into Blair. As quickly as possible, he opened and lubed the younger man. After taking a second to coat his erection, he tossed the tube aside. "Here I come." Jim placed the head of his cock against Blair's opening. Slowly, not wanting to hurt his lover, he pressed inward. Inch by exquisite inch, he entered Blair's body. Relishing in the tight, silky heat that gripped his cock. Once he was all the way in, he held still, enjoying the sensation of being inside Blair. 

When Blair pressed back with a loud moan, Jim began to move. He slowly rocking back and forth at first, gliding in and out of his Guide's responsive body. But soon, his movements sped up. Gripping Blair's hips, he pounded into his lover. Dialing up touch, he felt it as his cock repeatedly stroked Blair's prostrate. Hearing Blair's soft sobs of pleasure, Jim reached down and grasped the younger man's erection. With one final thrust and one final jerk of his lover's cock, they both came. 

* * *

When Blair was conscious again, he first became aware of a tongue bathing his stomach and chest. Realizing that he was now lying on his back, he raised his head and stared down at Jim's head. "Hey." 

Looking up, Jim smiled. "Hey, yourself." 

"What happened?" 

Sounding smug, a smirk on his face, Jim said, "You passed out." 

Blair scoffed. "Yeah, right." Seeing Jim nod his head; Blair asked, "I did? Really? Wow. That's never happened before." 

"Well you'd better get used to it," Jim rested his chin on Blair's chest, "because it's going to be happening a lot from now on." 

Blair began to idly stroke Jim's hair. "Is that so?" 

"Yeah." Jim waggled his eyebrows, causing Blair to laugh. "It's good to hear that again. I've missed it." 

"Missed what?" 

"Your laugh." 

Blair laid his head back down. "I guess we still have some thing to talk about, huh? Some things to work through." 

Jim moved to lie beside Blair. He reached over and pulled his lover to his side, guiding Blair's head over to rest on his shoulder. "Hell, I don't know. All I do know is that I've got you now and I don't ever plan on letting you go. I love you, Blair Sandburg. From now until the day I d... " 

Before Jim could finish, Blair laid a finger on his lips, stilling them. "Don't say it." 

Jim grabbed Blair hand and moved their joined hands down to rest on his chest. "Okay, I won't. But I mean it." 

"I know you do, Jim. And... and the same goes for me too." 

Jim gave Blair's shoulders a squeeze. "I know, Babe. I know." 

"For right now, I just want to focus on the love. Everything else can wait until we get back home. This weekend, I just want us to be together." 

"Whatever you want, Blair." 

"Then let's go do some fishing." 

"Fishing?" 

"Well, I don't know about you but I just worked up a pretty big appetite." Voice lowered, Blair added, "Besides, you're going to need to keep your strength up this weekend." Before Jim could respond to that, Blair wiggled away from him and stood up. "Let's go." 

Laughing, Jim followed Blair outside. "Hey, Nature Boy, how about putting on some clothes first." 

Blair came to a standstill and looked down at himself. "Yeah, I guess that would be a good idea, huh? Don't want to scare the fish away." 

"You probably already did that," Jim said as Blair walked past him. 

Leaning over to go inside the tent, Blair looked up at Jim. "Huh?" 

"With that scream you let loose earlier, we'll be lucky if we catch anything all weekend." 

Shaking his head at the smirk on Jim's face, Blair went into the tent. 

Smiling to himself, Jim went to join his lover. The healing between them begun and the empty space in his heart once again filled with Blair's light and love. 

* * *

End Time to Heal by KAM: kam00@bellsouth.net

Author and story notes above.

  
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